I crave organization. I own more bins, drawers, dividers and Rubbermaid, than anyone I know. The Container Store is my idea of heaven! I also 'need' everything to 'make sense.' I want a slot for all the information that comes into my mind each day and when I pull it out, I want it to make sense. The older I get, the more I desire this. I know part of it is just a coping mechanism to help with all that I forget on a daily basis!
This doesn't mean I can maintain my organizational dream.Ask anyone who's seen my office. It seems the more that's on my plate, the more that gets left on the counter!
I think some might call this 'being a control freak. ' I call it 'Being Prepared.'
My bags are packed. I think I have prepared for many possible scenarios. Clothing needs, photography needs, medical needs, recreational needs..... I am physically ready.
Can my craving for organization, for planning things out, coexist with the fact that He ultimately in charge? Only He knows the true itinerary for this trip.
I am physically ready. Is my spirit ready? Am I open to whatever way God wants to lead my heart? Is my starting and ending point, God's glory? I know that with many of the contributions the team has neatly organized in their bags, some needs for some of the children of Ethiopia will be met. Temporarily. But there will be thousand of needs seen that we cannot meet. The main goal of my heart must be sharing the love of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ. With the news, we will be introducing someone who can meet every one's needs. For eternity.
So tonight I am emptying my heart. What God wants to put there might not make sense to me right now. I want the Lord to fill me with what HE knows I need to take with me, halfway around the world. What I will need in order to come home a different person than when I left. For my good and for His Glory.